As the Asian Wedding Blogger, I obviously believe in the institution of marriage and wholeheartedly believe everyone should some day get married when the time is right. Many of you will be reading this and you’ll ask yourself, but how will I know when the time is right? Trust me when I say this, when you meet ‘the one’ you’ll just know and when you know, THAT is when the time is right.

Marriage is not something to be chased. I cannot stress this enough. Marriage seems to be a tick box that people strive to achieve, and it is considered just that – an achievement. I can’t forget the day that my mother told me she’s proud of my sister for getting married and will be proud of me once I do too. I mean that’s nice but what about all my other achievements? Why do they mean nothing in front of marriage?

Some family members thought I was immature since at the age of 21 I refused to accept a marriage proposal to a family friend just because everyone seemed to think he was perfect. Others claimed I was too mature which made me fussy and picky. It’s almost like having your own criteria for who you want to marry is a crime and when you feel isolated and unable to successfully voice your opinions about why you think a person is wrong for you, life can become very tough. At the same time our parents (and grandparents) are not wrong. They have experience. Many of them will have married people who their parents told them and it worked out fine for them so they think why not for us? They know why marriage is important because they’ve spent more of their life being married than they have single and the positives of their relationship with their husbands/wives is what they want for their children. As much as we get annoyed at them for trying to impose marriage on us, we can’t blame them since all they want is the best for us.

Marriage is not something to be forced. By force I don’t mean the “my dad told me to wear a sherwani* and turn up to the venue” type of forced. I mean the the kind where you make yourself believe that you should get married to a particular person all because they happen to be there at the time when you’re starting to feel anxious. You feel you may never find ‘the one’ because your mum’s brother’s wife’s aunty’s 65 year old sister told you that such a thing does not exist so you convince yourself that you should get married to whoever is available. Well, marriage is not something to be rushed. True love is something not everyone believes in but neither did I until it happened to me. To be honest, most Asian parents who have gone through an arranged marriage system don’t believe in true love. They say that marriage is a compromise. Well it’s not. At least it doesn’t have to be. Just because you think your biological clock is ticking or that all your friends are getting married and you’ll be the loner left at the end does not mean you should marry the guy 15 years older than you that your cousin found on shaadi.com who has zero personality and only posts pictures of his cat (not that there’s anything wrong with that of course…). Marriage itself should not be a compromise, marriage may include compromises along the way but when you marry your soulmate you happily make those compromises rather than with resentment.

When you do find the one, marry them straight away! There’s nothing more special than having that person with you as your pillar of strength and source of happiness. You might be an ambitious, career-focused, independent (wo)man but marriage is for you too. There’s no need to wait. I say this because I was the same (and still am) but being married doesn’t hinder that. You can be just as career-orientated and have a professional life with someone who’s equally career-focused and supportive of your profession. It’s just nice to have someone to come home to, a person who is your everything, a person who is truly your family. Cheesy? Maybe… but there’s nothing wrong with that. As a kid I always wondered ‘how can one person all of a sudden become my family; I already have my family – my mum, my dad, my brother and my sister!‘ It’s amazing how signing a document (and/or having a religious ceremony) can change your life and when you find the right person it changes for the better.

*traditional asian menswear typically worn by grooms and male family members at weddings.